"The Red Carpet Affair"

Prologue:

I am feeling a little nostalgic probably because this is the last blog I am writing about "ISB&M" parties....though of course I am a little bit relieved as well coz NO MORE shall I have to endure the HORROR of fashion disasters who swarm together even more often than locusts....this blog will be a little dark so u have to forgive me coz a lot of Supernatural watching tends to have a "dark" effect on my writing.....this blog is also very special coz I am writing it in collaboration with my bitch-sister, my partner in crime at ISB&M for 2 yrs n of course a lady who has spunk, style n class all rolled in one. So here goes. Oh and a tiny thing, I know I am a drama queen and a bitch so I am just going to mix them together here n dish it out. 

The theme "Red Carpet Affair" was befitting a batch like ours but then again it's only because of women like us and men who we know to be well dressed that actually "fit" the category. And like always, we do have our fair share of disasters and catastrophes. The irony of it all, it was just like the Red Carpet, some dressed to perfection while others dressed to entertain the well-dressed and the "aam-janta" watching their favorites on the red carpet. The trends in vogue this season as far as my fashion knowledge goes (n trust me, it is par excellence) is animal print, lace, subtle shimmer and solid colors.

I did see a lot of solid colors but they were in the NOT SO subtle shimmer. I get it, red carpet and all, first time, nervousness but that does not mean you turn it into an eye-sore for others, the shimmer or the silkiness of your dresses (yes, there WERE more than one) was totally uncalled for, probably coz it is summer AND the a/cs weren’t turned on so your dresses ladies, were a complete turn-off.

A lot of women I know, when joined college were thin (well, in my dictionary, you are either fat or thin, nothing in between), probably the long hours of studying n making ppts and being the teacher's pet (wasn't there a movie by that name, a psycho thriller) made you put on oodles of weight which I OBVIOUSLY will not hold against you but picking up something from 'Moms n Me' or that other maternity store in camp whose name eludes me at the moment, u leave me with no other choice but to mention you here sweety. I mean, who does that??? And if you really did want something from there, u could have done us all a favor by picking up something more, ummm, flattering for yourself. All the hard work of 2 yrs has gone "phish" in the air, just like that.

Someone I know very well, very close to me as well, unfortunately did not take any cues from me. A BEAUTIFUL LBD with shoes to match (what can I say, I am a sucker for shoes) ruined it with a SO NOT well matched cape. WHY, pray tell me WHY???

White is the color of purity, virginity, blah, blah, blah (hope u get the drift). Well, we had a lot of ladies dressed in white; the only issue being those who dressed in that color had their cherry popped more than a million times. My point- you never want to wear a color that does not suit you and THIS color is strictly out of bounds for you coz what you wear is what you are and honey, we all know how far away you are from the reality of it all.

Coming to our 'Student Council' and it's esteemed departments, I know you work really hard for EVERYONE in college etc all, but keeping your fashion sense a teeny bit updated will never hurt you- black, white and brown with the last thing looking like you pulled it off a snake is SO not happening. "The little round lard of fat, almost begging to be attended to" I have said it a GAZILLION times and I will REPEAT for your tiny cranium, when you are tiny, it is a sign from the Gods for you to be that way, wearing a tinier dress with heels the height of Naomi Campbell and obviously a size too big for your foot is not getting you any points. Not from me or from anyone else. Seriously, go and check. I am telling you, my niece from another breed who is about the same height as you has better choices in life. Watch and learn my dear, Watch and Learn (so I copied it from Body of Lies, but hey, it is the truth and it hurts).

Ok so Red Carpet implies a gala event like the Cannes, Grammies, BRIT Awards, hell even the AVN awards but that does not give you the right to go AVN ALL THE WAY!!!! LORDDDY!!!! This is for those who have NEVER in their lives, even SEEN the invite pass of a party. Which is why this sudden removal of parental scrutiny has lifted their every sense of dignity and let them show us far, FAR more than we wished for (plz note, I got this from the boys, lest I might sound overtly sexist)!!!

Coming to my favorite ladies who have always been the centre of my scrutiny for the whole of 2 yrs of them n me being in ISB&M, why is it that u never read my blogs or even if u do, choose to ignore my words of wisdom. It really breaks my heart. Get over it, no matter how much fair n lovely or whatever fairness cream it is that u use, u shalt not become any more the fairer so next time please just find the exact color of foundation to match your face. The women standing at those cosmetic counters are present there just so they can help ignorants like you. All the way from Greece/Athens to Lokandwala, I must say u have come a LONG way baby n it is time for you to go home. It was the red carpet, not a wedding carpet. Gold shimmer in the dress with silver crystal studded wedding sandals n a clutch to match the shoes, trust me if Donnatella Versace was to see you, she would have stopped designing a long time ago. Also, when Jennifer Lopez walks the red carpet sans- underwear, THAT, ladies n gentlemen, is what we know as "HOT". But when one of our ladies decided to wear done up hair, an item-girl gown, coats n coats of makeup, how COULD we excuse her for forgetting to wear the basics and let them "just" be???

Also, I was not aware that we had gathered for an environmentalist cause at the party. Had I known, I would have dressed slightly better like someone who fit the bill. Green dress with the same green excess coat of eye shadow, the only thing missing were green shoes with probably something more eco-friendly as your hair accessory n Voila, we have our very own cause for not wanting to be seen anywhere close to the one mentioned earlier.

For my second favorite who ALWAYS manages to steal the show with an OVERDOSE of sleaze; blonde streaks do not suit the Indian skin and even Kareena Kapoor was quick to pick that up. But not our Little RED Riding Hood, who is anything BUT "little". She will be daunted by none but everyone will be haunted by her avatar that evening, I'm sure.

Oh and identical twins are a rage only at parties themed "Halloween", NOT "Red Carpet". Enough said!!!

 I recall it was the Red Carpet, which is where the Rakhi Sawants are either not invited, or are allotted personal stylists so that we don’t have the other people getting migraine attacks from the murderous tin-gold sequins on a dress!!!

Some people were so busy making a fool of themselves all of their 2 yrs of Post Graduation, that they bought one pair of faded denim shorts and decided to run that for all themes- Hawaiian, Red Carpet...probably even "Domestic Help"!!!!

For someone who came across as a very sweet person initially but showed her true colors as time wore on, when your hair looks like a 3 month old swab of Scotch-Brite and your face like the winter dessert, how much can a shapeless, badly-fitted, curtain-textured black-gown help you??? Just because you wore the greatest geek as your arm candy, doesn't mean you can get away with that B-Grade Tamil Grade Actress look. For Pete's sake, Lady, do yourself a favor n stop flaunting pics of that nightmarish look on Fb.

Some were last seen only at the 1st party of their duration at ISB&M because back then they had a mommy for a roomie who also had a good wardrobe and lent her sexy dresses. Can't do much with a pretty face and a zero sense of style, can you???And O my, the "wild" animal seemed to be promiscuous with her absence. We missed some extra additions to the "attention-seeking club". The sleaze balls sure missed their queen. The girl-in-the-gold looked lonely without her partner in crime, where crime implicates LOUD, CRASS and VULGAR style - of wardrobe and of personality! Your absence only upsets me that I have one point of content less to get applauded for!

Also, cute as it may be, my fat women either need to be self-critical and be AWARE of the prevalence of cellulite on their body parts. And if you're not, that’s what I'm here for. If your mommy never told you, neither did your best friends and nor did the mirror; lumps of fat hanging from where your triceps should have been, is NOT a turn-on and is definitely NOT a thing to flaunt. Don’t sneer at me, my "PLUS SIZED" ones. I know you are secretly glad that I am telling u this! (I know you were secretly waiting for it too!). My fat and dark ones, I know, you wish every waking day of your life that you were slightly thinner but then again who can question the structure of your body except for the One who made it??? So the next time, you might want to wear a color that suits you and hide the elephant thighs while you are at it. Dancing like you are trying to seduce someone (including the facial expressions) while wearing sumthin like that, is not even going to work in a place like India let alone a strip club in Vegas and Burlesque is a LONG way for u baby!!!!

The boys really did outdo themselves this time so much so, they found a slot in my blog.

Topping the list is the "Blondie of the year", it was the Red Carpet Affair sweety and not "Who will be the Bestman at my Best Friend's Wedding".

And then there were others; with the blatant transition from his ‘Bob’ Marley days of PG1 to his neck-tie and cropped hair look at the Red Carpet, my ‘Bitch-Sista’ voted him the "Cutie of the evening".

My deep friend, looked like a very well groomed midget from Gulliver's travels (n this is in da nice way, in case the nimrods are wondering).

For the guy whose last name sounds like the name of a feminine private part must have heard somewhere about the hotness quotient of leather jackets. Poor chap never heard of the subtlety or the originality of it though. Threw on a tacky foam alternative with blinding glitters on it and managed to get even THAT drenched in sweat by dinnertime. 

 Think twice before you write this point off as irrelevant, because, it may not be about clothing, but it certainly is about STYLE. Because nothing spells "style" out more significantly than dignity, class and demeanor. To women and men alike - please do not consume more alcohol than you can handle. Not only is it illegal, annoying, disgusting and messy. But it also causes collateral damage - to your reputation, to the way you will be perceived here on. Without sounding preachy, may I just say, somewhere, deep down there, more often than not, you want to prove a point. And you're so weak that you can't do it without the help of alcohol. I hope that sums it up. And even the people who hi-five with you and cheer you on to go ahead, have that extra shot and misbehave that extra bit, wake up next morning laughing AT u. 

The Red Carpet's motto is "Dress to Impress" and Impress everyone did. Just not the way they would have all wanted to though. But what the hell!!! Last party and last (hold that Thought) blog. We still have the convocation to look forward to. Till then kiddies, u know u love me

X.O.X.O

FashionBlogger  (Who doesn't love Gossip Girl????)

Freshers 2011

Ok then!!! We all have waited really long for this year's freshers, everyone for a different reason of course. Some coz they wanted to show off some skin due to the stringent dress code in college, some (read seniors) to flaunt their "oh-so-cool" new dress or the like in front of the poor juniors and some (read my gang n me) to bitch and write about all this.
      Fresher's started as usual with a bang (though i was not there to witness the beginning). I still can't figure out what was with the whole "Hawaiian" theme. According to me, it was just a ploy so that people could wear just about anything random and not be criticized or ridiculed for doing so. Tough luck there LSD!!! I ain't letting you all get away so easy.
    I'm going to try to be a lil bit nice to people in this blog today coz, well, just coz i'm in a good mood. Let's begin with the juniors. I must say, the lot definitely has much better dressing sense as compared to a few of their seniors. Impressive. The nice things first: the junior LSD members were dressed so quaint with flowers in the girls hair and garlands for the boys. They really did do justice to the whole theme. Apart from them, there were a couple of media juniors who also looked really cute. The wonders that a flower stuck on your hair can do to your entire profile. Just realized that last night. For the fashion-ignorant who attended, I do have a few questions which have been gnawing at my already pea-sized brains. Wearing a flowery top with shorts and pink pumps with black stockings does not really make you Hawaiian or then again, does it??? Very retro which was not really the theme, check your dictionary the next time you dress for themed parties. I think one of the guys was going for the Ganpati Visarjan Dance or Dahi Haandi ceremony but lost his way and ended up coming to River-view.
    Though the theme did allow everyone to be comfortable in their skin, it certainly did not give them the right to get on other people's skin. A very snooty girl who looks down upon practically everything, who I have nicknamed "plastic" (refer to the movie mean girls if you can't relate) definitely thought that she was being invited to the prom, what with the frills and all on a tiny corset sort of top portion of the dress. Honey, please work out just a lil bit so as to get rid of those baby elephant thighs before you decide to shock any of us ever again. The girl dressed in virginal white, did you come from a christening ceremony or were you just trying to be chaste??? Just wondering.. Also, converse chappals??? WTF!!! It's a party which just has a specific theme and the last time I checked, it definitely didn't include bathroom slippers. A little solace, someone was wearing anklets made out of those chameli type of flowers. Too many flowers though; the girl was seriously making me wonder if she was interested in doing the hula.
     Speaking of dances, this year the Freshers saw something new- a professional belly dancer. And what she wore actually looked like some night-gown with sticks stuck to the arms for the gown to fly. She could have just opted for bungee-jumping instead. Definitely more fun than what she was trying to do wearing that costume coz i'm sure as hell it certainly wasn't belly-dancing.
      That was about the juniors and the firang dancer who definitely had to be included. Coming to my favorite part of the blog where I am very nice in explaining my classmates clothes for the party. The theme (sorry but I DO need to re-iterate this all the time) was Hawaiian but we had girls who dressed up like they were going for a wild African safari party. Shed the animal print darlin'... it's not in vogue anymore and the only time it will look hot now is if you wear it for a wild romp in the bedroom (if you get my drift). For someone who has never been featured in my blog before (n this is aimed at a whole bunch of them), either lose the tummy or do mankind the favor of wearing dresses that hide the flab. I get it that there are women in the world who are very proud of their tummy fat but for the sake of good fashion designers and critiques, please "spare me the horror" (line courtesy: the movie fashion)
    What is it with women who ALWAYS choose to wear a shade of compact two tones lighter than their skin tone??? Writing a blog on clothes is fun but if I have to give blog lessons on make-up, I'm going to have to charge you. The dress, baby girl, it was a Hawaiian party not a "Chinatown" party; piece of advice: diss the shoes next time, it'll probably make you still look like you are in the groove. For controversy's favorite children (read my two most favorite dressers) definitely had a lot of glances coming their way (and this is  not including mine.) For the one, who was the boys "favorite" once-upon-a-time and suddenly decided to break their hearts by not showing her pwetty face: makeup- check, shoes- BDSM lovers should definitely take a cue from you, dress- did you pick it up from the children's section honey??? Oh wait, or was it coz you really wanted to show-off white legs which weren't totally toned (tch tch, sack the personal trainer I say) and guess what, she was not the only one.
    Ladies, understand this, men like to look IF the goods on display are worth looking. Having thunder thighs is not a crime but to flaunt them and make everyone around you nauseous will and can be held against you in the courts of fashion across the world. How I wish they really did exist and were not just a mere figment of my imagination. And wearing black short dresses (with slits) which are two sizes below your original size is like me thinking I am Bar Refaeli and going to the beach wearing a bikini which makes men drool. A little bit of pity for humanity will surely take you a long way in life. For my second favorite: dress-check, makeup- I really don't want to get there, shoes- did you get them custom made for your wedding??? Though i really liked the heel on the sandal, but on the whole, like seriously??? Please try considering what if there were fashion courts.
   Phew!!! The things Donatella Versace would do if she were to come to any of our college parties. For starters, I'm sure, she'll just decide to stop designing. I do agree with Ambalika Sen that a lot of people did learn a lot, but then again, what was that English proverb about "old habits dying hard"???
    What with all the competition and emphasis put by the seniors to wear a dress shorter than that of her rival, instead of "ALOHA" (in a sing-song voice,) I think the theme of Freshers 2011 should have been "You can see, but not touch!!!"

Lingerie Peeves

             Ever heard of the saying: "DRESS TO KILL AND UNDRESS TO THRILL"? For those who are unaware (and are women,) I'm shocked to say the least. Nonetheless, for those reading this blog, it's the tagline of one of the most famous lingerie brands in the world. Unfortunately, looks like people of my class aren't really too bothered about what they wear inside. Which is the topic of discussion today.
             Let's start at the basic, it's pronounced as "lawn-je-rey" and not "linger-ee". For heaven's sake woman, get the sentiment right first. I'm aware of a lot of people who think wearing a darker shade of lingerie over a lighter colored dress or top is uber-cool. Darling, it's so NOT COOL. Unless of course you're going to audition for some porn movie. Then of course it's justified.
             Enter the patriot, I get it you have weight issues but please try to upgrade your lingerie wardrobe once in a while. It'll do you a whole lot of good if people don't see your loose bra straps hanging out. Or better still, take lessons from the girl who wishes she was born a guy on how to wear a good shade and carry it off. I'll bet my last penny if nothing else, she'll definitely improve your strap image in class.
             Coming to the girl who is 'kind of sought after' blah blah blah and for a woman who has a lot of fan (read guy) following, sweetheart you need a complete image makeover not just a lingerie makeover. The last time I checked into Victoria's secret, a good bra was considered to be one which fit well and also one that you hooked on your back not your shoulder just about an inch below your neck. Also, please don't try to imitate Victoria's secret or La Senza by wearing cheap red underwear. So not cool. Simple rule: if you can't afford it, don't degrade it.
              For the girls, ever tried wearing a white bra non-stop for i don't know how long that the strap turned yellow??? Yes, we do have girls who fall into that category as well. I get it you're obsessed with white because it's such a virginal color but if not for your, at least for people's sake, try washing it once in a while. That way when the strap shows from your tee, hopefully people will look at you from the virginal perspective you're aiming for. I thought I had mentioned it the last time as well but i guess i'll have to re-iterate the point. Sugar, if you're well-endowed, do mankind the favor of going to a store that caters to your size and pick up the right fit. You can't walk all around the place acting like Santa Claus and jingling your own bells (pun intended.)
             I'm of the firm belief: if you're wearing lingerie worthy enough to flaunt, GO AHEAD. FLAUNT IT. A little peep show never hurt anyone. But yes, please don't go overboard and bare it all. Subtle does it like nothing else does. Speaking from my own experience, when you go buy lingerie, it's something which when you wear makes you feel sexy. Take note of the word used. Yes, I used the term sexy because I read sometime back in the bible (read cosmopolitan), if a woman picks up lingerie that fits well and makes her feel in sync with her inner self, she'll feel good about herself which in turn will make her happy and happy people release endorphins so they don't go around killing people (sorry could not help that last bit. Stole it from legally blonde.)
          Jokes apart, if you have a boyfriend, nothing turns on a guy more than sexy lingerie (that's cosmo talking again.) And if you can't get that bit right sweety, you just died a virgin. A guy wants his girl to look hot from head to toe (of course, there's no denying exceptions though i doubt there will be any in this case, nonetheless) and what a girl wears inside (and i'm not referring to your beautiful/pure heart and mind here) is equally important. So if you don't have a guy cute enough to snoggle, you know where you're going wrong.
           After talking so much about guys, how can I not make a mention of them in my blog? That would, be really mean of me. Honestly *innocent angelic expression* (really wish you could see it right now.) I GET IT DUDES. Low-waist jeans are in vogue and have a long way to go before they become obsolete. But do you really need to wear chaddis that show off the brand name? Of course if the guy is hot (and girls everywhere would agree) and is flaunting Under Colors of Benetton, Allen Solly, Tommy Hilfiger, Provogue or the like, he's pardoned immediately. But wearing VIP Frenchie or Nikky (Indian version of Nike) with the tick designed the opposite way does not pass you off as even cool let alone hot. So if you got the looks use them to your advantage without these hangups. And if you really want to wear those brands which I just mentioned in the latter half, be my guest. Just do us the favor of passing by without flashing even unintentionally. OH and by the way, for your information, flaunting undies for guys is so passe.
          In our society there are a lot of people who don't really care about what they wear inside but honestly, I think the times now to change. And wear all what you want (also don't want) when you're at home. Dress to perfection when you're out. That way women like me who have nothing better to do but criticize will keep their mouths shut for some time.
          While going through a couple of websites, I came across this quotation. The author is unknown but what he/she implied holds a lot of value in this blog. "If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" Guess that more or less answers your question, eh?



    
              

The Unofficial Fashion Critique: Freshers 2010

The Unofficial Fashion Critique: Freshers 2010: "All right. So the 'much awaited, anticipated' event of ISB&M is finally done. And after the party, I have come to a single conclusion. By st..."

Freshers 2010

All right. So the "much awaited, anticipated" event of ISB&M is finally done. And after the party, I have come to a single conclusion. By starting this blog, I not only hope people will read but also by the end of the PG programme, a lot of them will also learn how to dress well.
        The dress code was: Emo for guys and one-piece for girls. The guys sure didn't have a lot to worry about given the fact that a black tee with jeans and converse (or the like) would have done the trick. Of course having a girlfriend gave a few an added advantage of kajal n black nail colour. The media guys did pay a lot of attention to their looks, (the vain lot that they are.) The management guys...i think they are best left unspoken about. I get the fact that dancing makes people sweat but to strip off your shirts and show off not even visible 2-pack is plain scary. But of course, my blog would be incomplete if i didn't mention this bit. So guys, the next time, plz try to keep it down (n i meant your shirts.)
       Coming to the girls, I recently heard (after the party, that is) some girl asked another one where would she get the most expensive dress because she wanted to look the hottest in the party. Well lady, newsflash: the most expensive dress does not make you look the hottest. Its all about carrying yourself in what you wear. And I must make a special mention of the fact that inspite of all the "wanting" the dress definitely did not have the desired effect. Coming to the "Clash of civilizations" dress, a mixture of Athens, Rome and Greece???? Why??? One word to describe it: F-U-G-L-Y (find the meaning yourself for those who don't know it.) Might I also add, go SUBTLE on the make-up honey and chose the compact that matches your skin tone.
      There were, however a lot of pretty faces and dresses as well. I mean freshers is not everyday so a lot of women did take pains to get ready. Some looked good and some, well...let's just say did not really get the look. Of the lot, n i'm sure they would not mind me mentioning their names, n even if they do, they know i'm unfazed. Ambalika, Neha, Sakshi, Akansha, Aditi (purple suits you), and a whole lot more whose names i don't recall at the moment, did do justice to what they were wearing. Also, i don't know if anyone else noticed this, but for a few girls, the more high they got on their drinks, the higher up went their dresses. So much for wearing the LBD.
       A piece of advice to women who are well-endowed: it would do mankind a whole lot of good if you wore your tubes slightly higher and not jumped around. After all, we would want life to thrive and not perish. Especially when we are studying and have yet to see the "cruel world outside." Apart from all that, we did get a glimpse of perfection (read that as 10/10), make-up: check, dress: check, shoes: to match. So what's wrong??? Transparent straps which glisten like plastic ruined the look (did i mention the bit where underwear is unchecked) and shoes: LORDY. Golden slip-ons with diamonds. It's only freshers sweety not a marriage ceremony. Talking about shoes, how can I forget about my last target, dress: LBD- sheer perfection with just the right tinge of gold, make-up: to match, shoes: black slip-ons with silver straps??? What were you thinking???
     Though I won't suggest you to follow Lady Gaga's footsteps when it comes to fashion, given her recent debacle at the music awards, you should hear her track- Fashion. I couldn't agree more. After all, a girl's just as hot as the shoes she choose.